guilt trip

I’ve skipped WPD lecture. And have felt guilty all the way home. I can’t skip another lesson. It just won’t do. We’ve been told in Colossians that “…whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Now, skipping a lesson, no matter how “less useful” it may seem just doesn’t cut it. How can I say that skipping lessons is in the name of the Lord Jesus?! Not that God is going to punish me severely for this but the guilt and mistake will just backfire. That’s punishment enough.

Sometimes I appear so hypocritical it really frustrates me. In one post I talk about serving God with all I have and just this morning I prayed that God would use me. And the one time when he could have used me, I just ran away. No, no, this won’t work. If he’s put me in school and given me the privilege to study then I should give it my all.

Now, it’s done so I shall use this precious time wisely and get my DDD done instead.

I can trick my teachers and every human being around me, but God and my conscience? No way around those two!

amyruth.xxoo

Sweet.

Been looking at running shoes.

Puma L.I.F.T Racer Wn was the pair that caught my eye. Will have to wait for my current shoes to wear out first.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

amyruth.xxoo

ps. I wanna do the  !!!

prunch.

I wish I could take up boxing or something. I feel I need it. At least now anyway.

No work today again. I give up. Let’s throw the trowel in! What are you going to say about that now huh? You’re not here anyway. It’s me against the world with God. Yea, so you all say you’re behind me. But that’s behind, not beside. Ain’t counting that.

Argh. Don’t come asking.

 Slow down
You crazy child
You’re so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you’re so smart, then tell me why are you still so afraid
Where’s the fire? What’s the hurry about?
You better cool it off, before you burn it out
You got so much to do, but only so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told,
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
Your gonna kick off before you even get half way through
Slow down
You’re doing fine
You can’t be everything you wanna be before your time
Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight, tonight
To bad that is the life you lead
You’re so ahead of your self that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you’re wrong, you can’t always see when your right
You got your passion, you got your pride
But don’t you know that only fools are satisfied
Dream on! But don’t imagine they’ll all come true

amyruth.xxoo

drrrrrrrag

I’m sort of caught up in a few things. Trying to get DDD done and it’s not going very well. As if I’m in arid land and my thoughts just won’t form nicely.  Frrrrrrustrating.

Going to train for NAPFA tomorrow and Sunday. No, it’s not about the medal, the cert or anything like that. It’s just that I feel like I’ve got to do well for this, not for the school, not for SGH but just for me. Not going to tell you guys my goal so please don’t ask. You’ll just cast me aside as insane.

Saw the new NDP video with Uncle Dave in it. It’s nicer than the past few years and is so Electrico. Unfortunately they still haven’t learned how to make it intergenerational. Please explain how 7-year-old kids are supposed to sing What Do You See?! Don’t get me wrong, the song is fantastic and so pleasant to the ears but how are we supposed to get people singing along? Uncle Jonathan did a slightly better job when he sang Count on Me Singapore, There was a Time etc. Those songs were so catchy and easy to sing along with. Ho-hum. I’m off to bed.

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I’m jaded
I hate it
Searching all my days just to find you
I’m not sure who I’m looking for
I’ll know it
When I see you
Until then, I’ll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way
I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

amyruth.xxoo

Queen of hearts

I ain’t no queen of hearts,
I go through stages..
I fall in love
then complicate it
I’m just trying to be creative
but everyone’s so opinionated
they wanna tell me what i’m feeling
cos one man’s junk’s another’s treasure
when it’s done It’s hard to measure
I’ll keep from believing

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better better better better

amyruth.xxoo

The Living God & Baal

I just read 1 Kings 18 & 19 for quiet time. Two of my favourite passages in the bible.

What struck me this time was how the prophets of Baal were trying so hard to get the attention of their god. They cut themselves, screamed, cried out and there were hundreds of them. Yet Elijah, the only prophet of Israel left, just prayed to the Living God and the fire from heaven consumed the, what seemed humanly impossible, sacrifice and alter.

Here there were hundreds of people blindly praying to a god that obviously didn’t answer them and they had no peace about it. They felt compelled to gain his favour and attract his attention. Cutting and hurting themselves? If their god really cared about them then why did they have to hurt themselves? All Elijah had to do was pray & believe. No cutting, no hurt, no blood, no cries, just pure trust and a desire to see God work. [This is taking into context that he was a man who walked uprightly in the way of the Lord]

And if you want to retort with christian martyrs who were slain for the faith, well, that’s another topic I could discuss but a long and touchy one.

Another thing that stood out for me was the response of the people after the burning of the sacrifice. Here they were all puffed up ready to prove Elijah wrong. I can just picture them with a smug look on their faces. Of course they wanted proof that the God of Israel was real. That’s the reason why they came to Mount Carmel to begin with. And the reason why they moved over to Elijah’s alter when he beckoned to them in verse 30. After the big hoo-ha and show of the Baal prophets which had evidently failed miserably, the people wanted to see something. We notice that Elijah had to rebuild the ruined alter. That itself would have taken a fair amount of time. If Elijah had not believed God would stretch out his mighty hand, do you think he would have wasted all that time in rebuilding the alter? Finally, when the alter was built, the sacrifice laid out, the trench dug and the entire alter sodden, Elijah prayed and God intervened. And when God showed himself? “…they fell prostrate and cried, “The LORD -he is God! The LORD -he is God!”".

Sometimes we Christians act like these non-believing, perverse people. We try to gain God’s favour, do big mighty things in the mere hope of him turning his face toward us. All God requires of us is a “broken spirit and a contrite heart“. Believe, trust and put those two elements into action. When I say we “put them into action”, I mean to say that as a result of that trust and belief, action would come naturally. It’s like a child who believes and trust his mother would naturally run to her with arms outstretched. Does the child stop and ask “do I trust her”? No! [taking into this context that the mother is perfect like God and has never disappointed or failed the child] Actions resulting from trust and belief come naturally and even to a point of desire. We desire to show forth this fruit in our lives that reflects our faith in Christ.

Faith like that child and Elijah does not come easily for some especially when life has had more disappointments that we can count. But if we ask God, believing that he will answer, a faith in our spirits, he will provide. We must be bold in our request like the man in Mark 9 and cry out “I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief!”, believing that God has said that he will give us all good things according to his purpose and will. Psalm 84:11, Matthew 7:11 and Romans 8:32 are a few of the many passages that clearly show us this truth.

I too pray that this faith and child-like trust in God will grow stronger in me day by day and will show fruit in my life. If we cannot ask our God in heaven for such a request who else can we ask?! After all, all good things come from our Father in heaven.

amyruth.xxoo

undivided.

“An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7: 34-35

I really want to do this, Lord.

amyruth.xxoo

say no more.

I have nothing else to say.

Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep, I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind, praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You
As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place
In worship, we will meet You face to face
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted
And save all my tears
By Your word, You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do
I simply live, I simply live for You

amyruth.xxoo

burned then crashed.

Done with my cover letter and resume. Just need to do copies of all my certs and other achievments.

I can’t believe I have to go all the way to Changi for the marathon. But I get to do it with Claire. It’s not for the timing but for the company. Managed to get a great timing of 50 minutes for 11k so at least I know what I am capable of. Told Claire we’ll aim for 90 minutes for the 10km so she doesn’t have to worry. I must do as Junbin said and take care of her. At least I’ll be driving there and back.

I’m already hot and tired so I hope I don’t have to meet anyone I really don’t want to see tonight. I’ll just run and take off.

AHHH. I must stop being such a wet blanket. But I’m really fed up and irritated with the same thing again.

YOU IDIOT! YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!YOU IDIOT!

I give up.

amyruth.

While I’m Waiting

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy, no
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

amyruth.xxoo