I’m scraping the bottom. Looking for more. Searching for someone to fill my bowl. There’s got to be more. I know there is. But maybe, empty a while more, is what it is.

I told you to be good. And I know I shouldn’t worry. But I do. Oh boy, I do. I worry as if that’s all I am. I worry as if my worry will change circumstances. It won’t. You’re too far away to hear me anyway. But I can’t resign to a worry-less life. I try. But God is still teaching me. I’m a slow learner you know.

Guess I’ll just have to keep reciting Philippians 4:6-7, 1 Peter 5:6-7, Luke 12:22-26, Psalm 42:5, Proverbs 3:5-8, Philippians 4:19, Hebrews 13:6 and Psalm 131:1.

amyruth.xxoo

I am no genius. I am no wiseman. I am a girl who’s little faith will keep her going. He promised it would.

To you I can only say this because He said it to all of us:

Matthew 7:18-20
¹⁸A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

amyruth.xxoo

What on earth are those things?

Mummy: Sweetie, you need someone who is going to look after you. You can’t always be taking care of him and worrying your head off when he’s out and off doing things you’re not comfortable with. You shouldn’t need to do all that.

Daughter looks down and smiles.

Mummy: You need taking care of. TLC.

I’m not sure I’ve found him yet. I mean, I’m sure he’s there. Cos that’s the way God created us right? I don’t want to have to pace up and down the living room, keep straightening out the bed sheets waiting for him to return. If a man has a wife, his place (besides work) should be the home. As is the same with the wife. This generation/society may be thinking differently. How then? I’m not going to change that rule.

How will he take care of me? *frowns I’m not sure. Brace yourself. Let me do this cheesy thing and get it over and done with.

1. Do the washing up without asking.
2. Leave little notes on the fridge for when I return from work. (ps. I’ll have odd working hours)
3. Read a bible story or psalm to me randomly in the day.
4. Plan ahead of time so that things actually work out.
5. Come home for dinner when he knows I’ll be off work.
6. Carry me to bed when I fall asleep somewhere else.
7. Towel dry my hair when I can’t be bothered to do it myself.
8. Dance with me wherever when the radio plays our song.
9. Do silly things like 20 star jumps just to cheer me up.
10. Prepare meals for me. (you know, like lunch boxes. heh)
11. Listen intently to me when I go on and on about something that’s bothering me and then just tell me he loves me at the end of it all.
12. Carry a packet of tissue with him cos he knows I won’t though I’ll always need them more.
13. Be persistent even if it means literally picking me up so I get to where he wants me to be.
14. Challenge me to new things.
15. Willingly do silly little things like the chicken dance when I’m extra hyper.
16. Let me play with his ears.
17. Provide awesome piggy backs and cuddles.
18. Not always treat me like a fragile flower.
19. Wipe away my tears with his thumb and “kiss it all better”!
20. Most of all? Walk so closely with God that I know I’m loved by a Christ-like man with a Christ-like love who will guide me towards a closer relationship with our Lord.

I’m sure there is so much more I could say. Not expecting it to land at the door in a basket and out pops a man all packaged and ready. Just thought that since I was thinking about it I might as well jot it down.

amyruth.xxoo

Jeremiah 29:11
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I have come to realise that it is that much easier to sing songs that make up wallow in self pity and moodiness. Such songs include Better That Way by Maroon 5 and Love Song for No One by John Mayer. That’s not to say that singing songs such as God of Our Yesterdays by Matt Redman and Empty Me by Jeremy Camp is easy. It isn’t hard to sing them. The hard part comes when you have to go beyond singing them and try to make you life what you are singing. And a “Better-That-Way” and “Love-Song-For-No-One” life is not my choice. Kinda dead, soppy and meaningless. I’d much rather live a “God-Of-Our-Yesterdays” and “Empty-Me” life.

Problem? There are days when doing that just seems harder than usual. Like today. Maybe cos I’m singing it alone. Or maybe cos I haven’t prayed hard enough for that life. Whatever it is, because I fail to live that life of “more of you and less of me”, the frustration builds up within and I desire all the more to strive towards attaining such a goal.

Okay. You know what? I’m not writing a good post so I’m going to end now.

amyruth.xxoo

Cuddle

   • verb 1 hold close in one’s arms as a way of showing love or affection. 2 (often cuddle up to) lie or sit close; nestle.

  • noun a prolonged and affectionate hug.

not just

Hug

   • verb (hugged, hugging) 1 squeeze or hold tightly in one’s arms. 2 keep close to: a few craft hugged the shore.

  • noun an act of hugging

Just because I don’t talk about it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Just like I don’t talk about my belly button. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It exists alright. It isn’t going anywhere. I just don’t talk about it.

But if ever you want to talk about it? Go ahead. It’s there anyway and it won’t get hurt if you talk about it. I might if you insult my belly button. But then, that’s cos I know there is nothing I want to change about my belly button. However, if you manage to show me what needs to be changed, I’ll gladly change. Godly adivce, I dare not disregard though it may be hard to impliment.

So what’s this where we’re so afraid of  change? It approaches us as a bullet train – we run at the speed of light to the end of the tracks only to notice it’s still behind us. It approaches us as a snail – we either stomp and kill it or walk away with total disregard for the message it brings. Change isn’t always bad. I don’t understand you. Someone please explain?

amyruth.xxoo

…or maybe you’ll frown.

DEREK: “How is Meredith, anyway?”

CRISTINA: “Fine.”

DEREK: “She’s always fine. That’s her problem.”

CRISTINA: “We’re fine people. We do fine. We’re fine.”

amyruth.xxoo

sur·ren·der (s-rndr)

hope  (hp)

v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes

v.intr. 1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.

v.tr. 1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.

2. To expect and desire. See Synonyms at expect.

n. 1. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.

2. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.3. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team’s only hope for victory.4. often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God’s help.5. Archaic Trust; confidence.