You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November 2008.

sb10069042f-001Ever felt so exhausted that you just wanted to curl up somewhere soft with someone larger than yourself and just slip into a world so far away? I feel like that now.

You know what I don’t like? chauvinists. I’m not a feminist but I can’t stand chauvinists. If any guy offers to help it should only be to prove his gentlemanliness and not his masculinity. I have no interest in your masculinity. So don’t offer your help and then get all huffed up and utterly rude when I turn you down. I can be as stubborn as a mule if I want to and I’ll scream it in all the guys faces to make myself clear. Over-sized pants with an ego to match – proven.

My heart just dropped. Would you pick it up for me? 291108 was funny.

amyruth.xxoo

its SGH 42 tomorrow. renal + amy.

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coultj0010sI’m as restless as a willow in a windstorm,
I’m as jumpy as a puppet on a string.
I’m as busy as a spider spinning daydreams,
I’m as giddy as a baby on a swing.
I haven’t seen a crocus or a rosebud
Or a robin on the wing.
But I feel so gay,
In a melancholy way,
That it might as well be spring,
It might as well be spring.

amyruth.xxoo

sb10065239a-002“We are called to be women.  The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman.  For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be.” Elisabeth Elliot in Let Me Be A Woman.

amyruth.xxoo

200326309-001Just came back from the 3rd Tan Chin Tuan Nursing Award for Enrolled Nurses. The food was good. Company was its usual. Clothes were nice except for the silly heels. The performance celebrating what would have been Kong Cho’s 100th birthday was fantastic! All the photos of him from young til the year he passed on. They really brought back memories. The best performance was by the Y stars from the YMCA. They are a bunch of fun-loving children/young adults who have learning disabilities such as downs syndrome. They danced to Rihanna’s Umbrella and it was a blast!

Today has been a whirlwind of emotions really. But we ended on a good note so I shan’t spoil it now. Have to get back to the preperation for exams. And no, not everyone has ended exams. We are just about to start; 2 weeks ahead of the other poly people.

Personally, I don’t like these kinds of posts that seem to be very vague snippets of my life. HRMPH.

amyruth.xxoo

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can’t help but talk about. Some things we just don’t want to hear, and some things we say because we can’t be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say. They’re what you do. Some things you say because you have no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

 

a0146-0000361All’s done.

All’s said.

To-night

In a strange bed

Alone

I lie.

So slight

So hid

As in a chrysalid

A butterfly.

 

Without a bridle or a saddle,

Across a thing I ride and straddle,

And those I ride, by the help of me,

Though almost blind are made to see.

What am I?

 

amyruth.xxoo

 

dancingMany times I’ve tried to find a solution for a sorrowful heart or downcast spirit. I’ve tried sleeping, dancing, exercising, starving, crying, stoning, watching tv… but they all failed me.

Today I was downcast. Today was my troubled day. But today was the day that the Lord graciously brought rain over me – literally. The world can bog me down with all it’s worries and materialism but when I cry out to God in utter faith deep in the pits of desperation, He will surely hear my cry and whimper. He doesn’t rush forward with sword in hand and spitting fire to slash the throats of all my enemies or wipe clean my memory of the worrying and depressing thoughts. Instead He places in me a longing and need for Him and then fills me with Himself. His love, peace, grace, strength, mercy, wisdom, light… til I’m overflowing.

Squelching in the rain, getting cold and wet, I ran all the way home laughing and crying. All this while this song was playing: Jesus, draw me ever nearer

On reaching home I was soaked with a smile from east to west on this face of mine. I promptly put my bag down and went on out to the rain that was coming down steadily and just span around telling God that I am with Him. Telling God that He is the ultimate lover that beats any lover through all eternity. The rain washed me and it was as if I knew God was looking down at me laughing at this child of His whom He loved til no end.

So the solution to a sorrowful heart or downcast spirit? Cry out in absolute faith to our Father in heaven and wait expectantly for his calm and assuring voice to call out in the storm. Listen earnestly for it whether a shout or a whisper. And when He provides a dark cloud overhead bursting with shimmering crystals of water run out into the center of it all and bathe in this refreshing provision yet again! Don’t forget to laugh, smile and sing unending praises onto His name for it is what He desires and deserves.

amyruth.xxoo

73930609One can cry with tears
Only then we know he is hurt
But is there any way to find
The pain of those
Who are in pain?
Without tears in their eyes?

“I’m fine”
Maybe I’ll get sick of that line eventually.

Now my greatest fear is my eyes betraying what I’d like you to believe.

amyruth.xxoo

Jesus, I’m holding onto you.

82456489People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places, like secret road maps of their personal histories; diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don’t. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers.

Can’t you just come clean?!

I know I asked you to stay by me but seriously? Just go away. I don’t want to sit here forever.

amyruth.xxoo

I lift my eyes onto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

p-1002Ever wanted something but knew you couldn’t have it? You could only look at it from a distance or attempt to appreciate the cheap immitation. Well, I’m starting to feel that way. But yet I don’t want to do something about it. Not quite yet anyway. Like I said before, I never initiate something that should be done by someone other than myself.

Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone.

amyruth.xxoo

tlp708192At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day – those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

amyruth.xxoo