I just made a butter cake with slivered almonds. As the almost-glossy cake is baking happily in the oven, I read stories from Doctors without Boarders (MSF) and their desperate need for midwives. I think what strikes me more is not MSF’s need for midwives but the countries’ need for them. It goes beyond being a midwife. They need someone who will fight for them and their rights to the medical services we so freely enjoy here.

Before going to China last year the entire 80+ of us from NP trooped down to a conveniently located and air-conditioned clinic for our tetanus injections. Just beyond this safe island are dotted, if not filled, with a multitude of people grateful enough to be taught practical ways to avoid tetanus disease.

My heart reaches out to these people and I feel drawn to work for a few years as a RN in one of these countries before training as a midwife and going back. The thing is, what about my dream? I know I said I try not to hope about the future of my life in this world, but what about a family of my own? A comfortable life here and a nice house, a husband, kids and a fulfilling career? I am torn between the two. Who would follow me to a disease striken country and leave behind all the promises Singapore has to offer?

I know, you could very easily reply “well, maybe you’ll find him out in the field already working!” or “pray that God will show you”. And these statements, among many others, are all too true. But are only possibilities.

Whatever it is, I just have to keep reminding myself that I still have a 3 year bond to fulfill and where God leads, I will follow. It’s not blind. Just keep walking a day at a time.

God has bigger dreams for me. And maybe, as my heart aches for these peoples, he is showing me a very small glimpse of his dream for me.