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I really like my custom header. (((: heehee.

It has made me happy today despite my failed (yet again!) attempt at making a skirt. I will try just one last time before I give up for a while.

It’s funny, maybe cos I’m tired from night shift but I’m in a pretty good mood. I could dance, sing and spin around right now plus give someone a super huge hug and cuddle. ((:

I know it’s weird that I feel this way.

Oh well.

amyruth.xxoo

ps. I really would like to go to top-shopping. :/

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I’ve just returned from the gym and talked to God on the way back.

This isn’t the valentine’s day I had expected this year. Yet another year watching other couples go out and be left alone. I’m not whining I assure you but just wanted to know if that’s the way it was supposed to be. I mean, it’s not like I’m the only one alone right?!

So as I took a deep breath and tried to push the thought out of my mind, my ipod started to play “I Just Want You” by Planetshakers. God is quite the romantic eh? haha. I know, that song talks about how WE should want HIM and not so much the other way round but as I looked up at the sky it seemed almost as if he was singing it to me. The wind gently pulled away the curtain of clouds only to reveal a vast expanse of night sky with stars shining. It was as if to say

“look, the creator of that sky, and so much more, wants you. He just wants you. Not you with skirts, dresses, makeup, a perfectly crafted doxology and Mozart-like piano skills. Just you. That’s all.”

And it’s this love that I have been quite aptly reminded of this evening just when I was so itching to message someone just to tell them I missed them even if the “longing” wasn’t returned.

So here was just another evening that I struggled to let God lead me and He came through for me with a love song.

Thank you Jesus. (:

amyruth.xxoo

Ever wanted to know just what exactly someone was feeling or thinking or whatever? Not that it would seriously change the situation but just so that you know? Just so that you get the “oh-i-get-it” feeling? Even if knowing how they feel would crush you. Even if it’s the sort of feeling that you’d get when you know your world is about to dissipate? You still want to know. Stupid girl. You still want to know if he hates you, loves you, can’t stand the sight of you, is angry with you, disappointed with you. And then you realise all these redundant questions point back to you. How utterly selfish.

So you resolve and decided to be a little less selfish and tell yourself “if only I knew how he was doing. Like truly knew.” Best still if they tell you without having to be asked!

I’d love to ask straight out “are you okay?” Like a simply, honest, blatant question and get in turn a truly honest reply. Even if it’s got nothing at all to do with you.

Sometimes someone is so mysterious it really irritates me and all I want to know is “are you okay?” Why are you disappointed and angry?

amyruth.xxoo

p.s. I feel like a leech and I hate that.

Oh dear, why can’t every day be like Thursday night when God felt so close and so real? All of a sudden He seems so far away.

I got off at the Serene Centre bus stop today. The last time I alighted there was for Relish. My stomach sort of got all twisted and I breathed in deeply before walking the path. It was funny; funny how things have turned out. So different, so fast that I just had to ask God “where did I go wrong? where did we go wrong?” Quite silly questions you’d might say and I wouldn’t hesitate to agree whole heartedly.

I want a second chance. I want to move on. I need to know God’s forgiven me. But I think I haven’t forgiven myself.

Help.

amyruth.xxoo