I hate this feeling. It’s like I don’t know quite what’s going on.

Reminds me of spinning Sophie around and around until I was so giddy I flopped on the ground. She just looked at me laughing and telling me she wanted another spin. I love those kids. Anyway, back to spinning, well, I feel like that now. Like my world is turning without me even doing anything. All I do is collapse and I have no idea what’s going on that I just have to close my eyes for a while until it’s all better. Unfortunately we can’t do that with life. I can’t just close my eyes and wait. The world keeps spinning and I have to keep moving.

I’m not too distressed about it yet but I feel that it’s closer than ever and I might just start crying out of frustration. Surrendering to God is so hard. I mean, no one ever said it would be easy. In fact the bible always seems to emphasise the difficulty we will inevitably face. But when we get to the crunch, well, it’s down right hard. Not impossible but just a bit less than impossible making it super hard!!

Oh, God, help me!


My hand is on the plough, my faltering hand
But all in front of me is untilled land.
The wilderness and the solitary place,
The lonely desert with its interspace.
….My courage is outworn,
Keep me from turning back.
The handles of my plough with tears are wet,
The shears with rust are spoiled, and yet, and yet,
My God! My God! Keep me from turning back.